Wednesday, April 04, 2007


On Sunday afternoon (in the dark of the matinee), my Lovely Husband™ and I went to the cinema to see swords and sandals epic “300”. When trailers first appeared for it, I was rather under the impression that it was called “Zoo” because of the style used for writing the 3. I blame an old school friend who introduced me to the dangerous ways of the fancy, filigree zed that looks like a number "7" shagged a letter "g".

I say swords and sandals, and there were plenty of those in evidence. Impinging more upon our awareness were the sea of rippling abdominals and the rather incongruous rubber jock straps. Or what looked like rubber jock straps. Hey, I'm not complaining. They set off the aforementioned abs very well.

It was an entertaining piece of cinema, with a deliciously camp Xerxes and a King Leonidas who sounded remarkably like Sean Connery.

Although it’s hardly a chick flick, there were moments when I thought a box of tissues might have come in handy. (Man-sized tissues, of course. As I have said before - and will continue to say until I finally say it to the one person who is going to find it amusing - they don’t call them man-sized because we have bigger noses.)

We’re both hoping that seeing all those muscles on screen will encourage us to push ourselves a little bit harder at the gym. I’m sure I could get myself into that shape if I just … you know, worked out properly and consistently, stopped eating as much as I do, and gave up alcohol completely. Clearly, getting that kind of shape would take so little, and yield so much.

Actually, given that actors are routinely turned from 98 lb weaklings to buff hunks by the Hollywood machine, I wonder whether anyone has setup a business where they take you away for six weeks and turn you into the shape you want to be. I know I’d pay for it.


Da Nator said...

Oh yes, they have trainers and camps that do things like that. It's just expensive, and a lot of work. Remember, Madonna used to work out 4 hours a day in her most muscle-y phase!

I'd heard 300 was a sort of thinky-veiled conservative propaganda machine. A few gay critics panned it as portraying the bad guys as gay stereotypes whereas the good guys were manly men. Which many be true, except that the gays love their manly men probably more than the straights do!

Al said...

Gerard Butler sounds like Sean Connery? You've been away from the homeland too long. He's got a thick Paisley (with a hint of Canadian) accent.

300 is another one of those films I have to admit to having 'stolen' on a torrent. The day they make a cinema where the only people who are allowed in are those who actually want to watch the film, without eating nachos, a bucket of popcorn that would feed the whole cinema, and a 3L cup of Coke that means they're up to the 'rest' rooms every 5 minutes is the day I'll go back.

Not watched it yet though.

Nick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nick said...

I was quite impressed with 300. Although at no point during the fighting did I get the impression there were 300 men there at all, just the fifteen actors that Leonidas kept giving rousing speeches and affectionate glances to.

What really surprised me is that the actor playing Xerxes is actually the very handsome guy who is in this season of Lost (the one who just appeared along with the chick as if they'd been there all the time when we've never seen them before). Look at his IMDB page. How does something that sexy end up looking like a Persian drag queen?!

Oh and Qenny - don't worry too much about the pecs. I heard they were all blue-screened on along with the background - Gerard Butler apparently has a beer gut and man boobs. Marvellous what technology and a bit of blue tape can do these days! :-D

Tickersoid said...

About five years ago I had the disiplin to turn myself from a fat c*nt into such an Adonis. Suddenly the playground yummy mummys started to look at me differently. I'd get my arse and chest felt by strange women when I went out. All very uplifting.
I recently tried to do the same thing but age is taking it's toll and I'm limited by injury.
Too late to start my own business then.

Brian Sibley said...

Looking forward to seeing the buff new You - in red cloak and leather jock??

coobuddha said...

There was a lot of online hype about the tough training the actors went through. The six-packs did look a tad enhanced by special effects - but I wouldn't kick Gerard Butler out of bed for eating toast..

Qenny said...

Da Nator: I suspect the critics of whom you speak are the kind of people who see conspiracies and homophobia everywhere. You know, the kind of people who brand you as a phobe if you object to them having sex in the middle of a busy public thoroughfare. If I were looking for an objectionable take on it, it would be that it portrays a leader who thinks he is above the law and can start wars as he sees fit, although in contrast to current world politics, in Leonidas' case, he was in the right.

al: you can't tell me, with your hand on your heart, you detected no hint of that Conneryesque sibilance, surely?

nick: Where can I get me some of that blue tape???

tickers: but you've already achieved that Adonis status, innit? I seem to recall you looking rather trim when we had a wee tipple in Charlie's Bar, all those months ago.

brian: Alas, since we tend to meet on Monday evenings, I suspect you won't get to see that particular outfit. It doesn't satisfy the dress code for TMC :)

coobuddha: Hang on ... where did your ell go, coolbuddha? In contrast, I would kick anybody out of bed for eating toast. I'm a crumb magnet. Anyone eats toast in bed, I end up sleeping on the hard little crumbs. And I'm like that princess in the story - I can pee through twelve mattresses.