Friday, January 19, 2007

Dear Value Customer

By day, I run my own little one-man-band company offering my head to whomever wants it. Obviously, I'm talking about the contents of my skull rather than my skills as a fellator.

As is the way with those of us who earn a crust in this manner, my details are in the databases of a number of agencies who contact me from time to time in an effort to lure me to work for their clients. Their job is to try and get the client to agree to as large a daily rate as possible, whilst trying to get me to accept the contract for as low a rate as possible, and then they pocket the difference and reluctantly cough up when I submit my monthly invoice.

In fairness, the agency that I'm currently working with are superb, the best agents I've ever encountered. I'm less thrilled with my previous one because I've had an awful time trying to get reimbursed for some quite significant expenses from many months ago.

In addition to random phone calls at all times of the day, agents like to drop me emails about contracts in which I might be interested. More than half of the time, the job description bears little resemblance to the kind of thing I do, and so quite why they think I might be interested is often beyond my ken.

I received one a couple of days ago from one of the larger agencies. In this case, the role is excellent, and there is a very good match between my CV and what they are looking for. There are three problems.

The first problem is that it's in West Yorkshire, and everyone who has my details has an indication that I have a strong preference for working in London.

The second problem is that it is a permanent role, and anyone who has my details has a very clear indication that I only look for contract roles.

But it's the third problem that really amused me. How seriously should I take an email that begins like this:

Dear {first_name},

I feel right special!


Tickersoid said...

It's great to feel exclusively desired.

CyberPete said...

Wow I've gotten spam mails that are more personal than that.

That's special

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Well, I think it's a lovely name:

{first_name} DeVice has a lovely ring to it, don't you think?

Actually, the sad thing is, some brainless wonder somewhere probably will think it's a lovely name and curse their unfortunate firstborn with it.

CyberPete said...

Is that what happened to Gwyneth Paltrows daughter Apple?

frobisher said...

It's grim up North . . .