Friday, December 01, 2006

Ode to the increasing girth of my tummy

I can fondly recall when my smalls weren't large
And I ate what I liked with impunity.
And my toast I could slather with butter, not marge.
I delighted in lard-arse immunity.

But I've noticed more recently trousers are tight.
And can leave a red mark on my belly
Where a belt has cut into me morning and night
And left a reminder in jelly.

In some cases T-shirts will no longer fit
But it's just that my arms have got bigger
As I've worked in the gym at that pump-iron shit
And it's had an effect. No, don't snigger.

I know that my body is not what it was
Yet in some ways, some bits are improving
I have to work hard on the rest, though, because
I'll get fat if I dare to stop moving.

If, back in the days I was built like a stick
I had tried to cash in on my figure
I might have a six-pack, and muscles all slick
Perhaps what I lacked was the rigour.

For keeping oneself a hot, muscular bod
Is for some folks their soul occupations.
And, yes, they might have the physique of a god,
But that brings its own complications.

This was inspired by the rather upsetting observation that my most recently purchased suits, the trousers of which were, at the time, comfortable to the point of being roomy around the waist, are now a bit on the tight side. I'm chalking it up to too much good food and cervezas from our recent holiday. But it's Atkins from now until Christmas. As long as I stock up on breath mints, I'm sure that will be fine for all concerned.


treespotter said...

i could never put on weight regardless how i try.

must be a production defect.

frobisher said...

me too - stuff my face all day long and still as slim as a racing snake

Qenny said...

As my little poem suggests, I used to be the same, but that all changed. It happened to me - it could happen to you, too!

More importantly - did you like the poem?

(I'm getting fat. I need some other sort of validation.)

frobisher said...

Yes, it was very good. Thank goodness it wasn't one of these trendy ones which didn't rhyme

Tickersoid said...

Your poem was lovely with some fine touches although it was expanded in parts beyond a reasonable scan.

A bit like your body really.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

I found your poem to be so good that I thought you'd copied it from somewhere - I trust you haven't, though - It reminds me of Calvin's poems from Calvin & Hobbes.

mutleythedog said...

Ho Ho - post a picture I bet you look gorgeous and cuddly!

Atomised said...

Wonderful poem! It resonates with me