Sunday, April 02, 2006

Woops, there goes the neighbourhood

Our Burns Supper at the end of January was a great event. After dressing up in my kilt, overseeing the food, reciting the poetry, and generally playing hostess avec mostess, I then got rather inebriated, to the point where I did something I probably shouldn't have done. And although it was kind-of bad at the time, it now seems kind-of worse.

I hadn't quite been able to suss out the chap who lived downstairs. Let's call him Mandy. I eventually decided that the balance of evidence was that he preferred to kneel on the same side of the church as myself and my husband. But I wasn't 100% sure. So, in my intoxicated state, I just asked him outright. It went more or less like this:

Everyone left at this party is gay, so I just want to make sure that doesn't make you uncomfortable, because I'm kind-of assuming that you take it up the gary, too; now's your chance to tell me otherwise.

I had preceded this with some observations about how hubby and I had been wondering if we were living in a very gay building, because we couldn't really tell about Mandy, but had an inkling that Phil - an older woman who lives across the hall from Mandy - had something a bit sapphic going on.

Anyway, when prompted, Mandy confirmed that he is, in fact, a red-blooded hetersexual. This came as a great surprise to half the queens there, and totally failed to surprise the other half. Is it any wonder my gaydar wasn't up to the task? He added, though, that he is very comfortable around pooves, because his mum is a Being of Les.

I didn't think much of this afterwards, and there certainly haven't been any nasty slogans daubed on our front door in red paint, or horses' heads turning up in the bed (although it would give us a good excuse to ditch the Argos duvet cover ...)

However ...

Today, we took our octogenarian next door neighbour to Leeds Castle, and on the journey back, she stunned us with some information that we had completely missed. Phil is Mandy's mum! Oops.

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