Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Pink Pound

Rich Bastard:
If people are reasonably well educated, they're going to realise that they don't need to buy my over-priced crap. What can I do to make sure I still have much more money than I'll ever need, and can pass on my excess wealth to my lazy, degenerate off-spring?

Marketing Guruji:
Let me see ... oh, I know. Children are much more gullible. Let's try to extend childhood so that adults (who have the money) think and act like children, but get lots of reassurance from their peers that their behaviour is acceptable.

Rich Bastard:
How on earth can we achieve such a thing?

Marketing Guruji:
Let's start with gay men. They're more gullible, and more susceptible to marketing. Just look at the money they spend on clothes and moisturiser. Let's start by getting them to refer to themselves as boys. Even when they're in their 40s.

Rich Bastard:
Hang on, though, isn't there a danger that if we get people acting like children, they will refuse to accept the responsibilities of their adulthood, causing massive social problems? Not that I care, I just don't to have to pay more tax to keep them in prison.

Marketing Guruji:
Well, that's part of the beauty of going for the gay men. Most of them don't have the same adult responsibilities as straight men, because most of them don't have kids. It's having real children that tends to make straight men grow up a bit and start being more careful with their money. Once we get gay men to think of themselves as boys, we can start working on the straight men. That's always easy. We've already programmed straight women to look to gay men for guidance about how their boyfriends and hubsnads should be. We get the gay men to act like boys, then the straight women get their men to follow suit, pretty soon we'll have a nation of childish adults, and we can sell all sorts of crap to them. Best thing is that when it all goes horribly wrong, we can blame the queers. It's perfect.

Rich Bastard:

Addendum: there will be more of this; you have been warned.


Lee said...

And when you factor in all the remixes of Girls Aloud singles, no wonder I'm so poor!

Qenny said...


They do remixes?

(scampers to record shop)