Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Carmen Cruise

So, poor little Tom Cruise is having to keep jets primed and ready to go at a moment's notice so that he can drop everything and rush back home to his wife and new child. Aw. Bless. I'm sure the child will live to thank him for the environmental impact of that.

And on top of the stress of new fatherhood, the world's most successful scientologist* is dealing with the stress of promoting the latest film from his Mission Impossible franchise. And this time round, it's MI-III. Or, M-aye-aye-aye-aye (hence the subject of this blog entry, just in case that needed spelling out).

In the tradition of celebrities naming their offspring after the place of conception, the new baby is likely to be called "Kitchen", since that's where the turkey baster is kept.

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I've just reassessed how I marked my own performance in the Magic Circle exam, and have decided to move from a 1 in 3 chance of passing it to a 1 in 2 chance. 50/50. Not bad. Now, if only the examiners see it that way, too.

I'll stop writing about it for fear that it might seem that I'm obsessing.


*I was going to put in a comment here about how L Ron Hubbard might have a good claim to that title, but upon futher reflection I decided against it. If we were talking gambling rather than scientology, Cruise would be a successful gambler, whereas Hubbard would be the guy who owns the casino.

11 comments:

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Hmmm... Kitchen. I like it.

Keeping fingers crossed for a good result from your exam. Not my fingers, or Fuckkit's either - I gave them back to her, someone elses. I can't be expected to keep my own fingers crossed for weeks on end, I'll get athritis or osteoporosis or somesuch...

Qenny said...

Cheers, matey. And I'm glad you're leaving fuckkit's fish fingers alone. I think she might need them. As I asked my own, dear, lesbisexual sister on the day she had an accident at work and had a bit of finger taken off: "Your whole finger ... or the one next to it?"

Da Nator said...

On behalf of lesbians everywhere, thanks a damn lot for ruining turkey basters forever in our minds.

Heh... "Kitchen"...

Tickersoid said...

Qenny- I think there was an imbalance of power in your parents relationship. One of them was domineering. But what do I know, I'm just a steel worker who's just got back from the pub.

Keeping fingers crossed for you.

Took me a while to figure the turkey baster. And the 'hole' gag. (which is a good one)

Oh and I've finally found time to lick you.


Sorry, link you.

frobisher said...

Did you notice that Tom Cruise's press release about the baby they mentioned the LENGTH of it as well as the weight.

Is Tom getting jealous of it already?

Qenny said...

da nator: sorry about that, I didn't realise you were so attached to them :)

tickersoid: got it in one; and the domineering one was almost a steel worker, and would often be just getting back from the pub. Although not any more, since he's now a very devout AA man. I think I was happier being licked, but muchos gratios for linking to me.

frobisher: I think Mr Cruise will either have to get used to the baby being bigger/longer/taller than him, either that or he'll decide that his beliefs as a scientologist dictate that he should not feed the kid any protein at all when it's growing up, so as to ensure it remains little.

Tickersoid said...

I think Tom should marry Whacko Jacko.

Qenny said...

Really? Don't you think he'd be a bit old for MJ?

Tickersoid said...

Could have a point there. Still he is small and has child like qualities.

Tickersoid said...

Oh, and is completely off his tree.

Qenny said...

Yes, but would MJ appeal to Tom? I suspect not. I would imagine his preference would be for short, rugged, masculine outdoorsy types. He strikes me as the kind of man who would be vain enough only to fancy someone like himself :-)